She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
