who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
