So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
