she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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