i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
