she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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