Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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