Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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