Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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