just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
