I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
