Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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