I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
honey bunches of taint.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's blow job season.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
