Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
