I just saw a hot homeless man
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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