just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
