then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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