YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
