Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
