I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
