I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
