i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
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