I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
