She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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