The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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