I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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