So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
