I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
