I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
