Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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