I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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