he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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