She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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