You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
