You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
