i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
