i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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