I skipped work to stalk him.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
