do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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