Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
