Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
