I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My feet surprised me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
