Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
