i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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