Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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