I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
