In the future we'll all be gay
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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