I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
