So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
