I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
