They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
