I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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