My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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