you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
